Tuesday, April 27, 2010

On a Whine and a Prayer

Good news -- today I felt good enough to take a shower, do some sweaty exercise, and even head to Barnes and Noble with the Best Husband Ever to blog and read! But while I was mostly pain/nausea/diarrhea-free, I also felt emotionally distressed. Somehow in the past month or so I've managed to gain a load of weight. I must be the only Crohn's person to ever gain weight once diagnosed, since one of the symptoms of Crohn's can be extreme weight/malnourishment.

Except not with me, apparently. I'm trying to be okay with that, given my eating disordered past. But I feel fat. Glad to not be pooping up a storm (for the moment), but also fat.

I'm not sure why this has happened. I suspect that a combination of disturbed eating patterns, a possibly slowing metabolism, and extended couch-dwelling are to blame. I'm normally uber-active, but today was the first time I've felt well enough to exercise since Friday. That's three days without exercise! For a girl who could not managed to take one rest day a week for a couple of years, that's mind-blowing. And it makes me feel yucky.

I'm not sure where this post is going, to be honest. It's another walk on the whiny side, I'm afraid. But I also wanted to share where I'm at, physically and emotionally.

When I can, I peel myself off the couch. Going for walks freaks me out, so I mostly keep my exercise indoors with my collection of workout DVDs. Hooping makes me nauseous, but in spite of that it's still quite fun. Can you tell in this video? Crohn's or not, I can still get my white girl dance on.






5 comments:

  1. yogiclarebear.comApril 27, 2010 at 8:45 PM

    thank you for opening up with your struggles about crohn's, but also here about your body image woes. you are not being whiny. i have a few family members who suffer from crohn's and i know it is no a picnic. it is hard to hold down a job because the symptoms can come so fast and hard, unexpected and unknown. i cannot imagine how frustrating it is for you. i dont have much comfort to offer except the reminder that God is working something through this. you are cultivating patience! when your body is acting up, remember to treat it with the respect and care that God's temple deserves. this means surrendering it to Him, and commanding Satan out of your head and body! my goodness, you are beautiful beth. your beautiful heart and your life force shines in your writing and your hooping.i need a tutu. ive been looking for one. where'd you get it!?

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  2. Beth, I knew that you hadn't been feeling well and were no longer at school, but I didn't realize the extent of what you are going through! I pray that you have many reasons to still bring your great smile to your face! We miss you at the school!Sari Hettick

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  3. hi : ) i was so sorry to hear about your diagnosis. but i wanted to recommend a book that i'd read in november. maybe it's old news and you know all about it, but i found it very inspiring and hopeful. it's called the maker's diet. it's about a guy who beat crohn's through following God's old testament eating plan. he went from his deathbed to full health. hope it encourages you. God bless you.

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  4. Heather Iacobacci-MiApril 28, 2010 at 5:13 AM

    I can't even imagine going from active every single day, to barely being able to do anything. I know that I take my health for granted far too often. Good for you for continuing to try. That says a lot about you b/c so many people would just throw there hands up and say ok, couch bound. Hugs!

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  5. Beth, I just wanted to say:a) You're on my church's prayer list as of last night;b) you look healthy, not fat at all, even if you feel otherwise; andc) way to hoop like a Spice Girl in your Miley Cyrus/Max Azria tutu dress from Walmart! (Had to throw that in for yogiclarebear... ;) )Having come off three weeks of not being able to hoop, I understand the frustration, but hang in there. As you adjust to the situation, you'll get more sensitive to your body's needs and capabilities and figure out how to make the best of it all. You're one strong sister; don't you ever forget that.

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"I am glad you are here with me."
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Return of the King