Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Another Little Victory: Seeking (and Finding) Help

Yesterday I went to see my therapist. If you've been reading the blog for a little while, you know that I've been having a hell of a summer between my stomach, flaring eating disorder issues, and depression. So last week I called the Best Therapist Ever to schedule an appointment.

I felt weird about it. Forget the fact that this is the first time I have ever chosen to see my therapist. The reality that I needed help seemed to be an admission of defeat. After all, aren't I supposed to be "healthy" and "recovered" in terms of my disordered eating? And I felt afraid. I thought my therapist would be disappointed in me.

I was so wrong. Seeing my therapist was refreshing, and she wasn't at all disappointed or sad to see me. In fact, we were both glad to see each other, although it felt kind of odd to say so since seeing each other meant that something wasn't quite right inside of me. But it was still good to talk, to listen, to be heard, to be understood. Not that I don't feel those things off of a psychologist's couch, but they were magnified during the session.

And I didn't walk into or out of her office with a trudge of defeat. Quite the opposite. I felt brave, victorious, and mature. I needed help, and I acknowledged it and acted on it. Instead of feeling like a failure, I felt proud and alive.

(On a side note -- I took the above photo inside my therapist's building with my camera phone. Again, it turns out a super shot! I'm amazed.)


  1. Good for you for being proactive with your mental health. I see a therapist to help manage my depression and don't know how I managed without her for so many years.

  2. I used to equate the feeling I had before a therapy session with the sentiment I had before exercise - I dreaded it beforehand, but was always grateful I'd gone afterwards.Proactivity, rather than reactivity, is definitely a sign of a rational, wise mind (though I'm pretty sure I just made up both those words...)Hope the proud feelings keep a comin'.

  3. beth, thanks for your openness, honesty. im glad you took the leap and went to see her, and that it turned out so good for you!why do therapists always have stairs like this?! LOL

  4. awesome photo! Cannot believe your phone has those capabilities.I am really proud of you for contacting your therapist! I think the fact that you realized you knew something was wrong and what to do to fix it is a HUGE success. Many people never learn that in life, so the fact that you acted on it, w/ all the other stuff going on is great!

  5. That is a beautiful photo. And your insights just show that you've made amazing strides. Good for you!


"I am glad you are here with me."
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Return of the King