Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Back In the Flow

68/365
Last March I quit my job as an elementary school family outreach coordinator.  I did so because of a Crohn's diagnosis, probably with some reactionary depression mixed in.  I now consider that decision to leave that beloved job the worst decision of my life.  Dealing with the emotional fallout from that decision -- the guilt, the sense of having betrayed my students and coworkers, the feeling that I had stepped out of God's plan for my life -- has been far more difficult and devastating than the effects of any disease I have encountered in my life so far.

But a few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to interview for a related and possibly even more awesome job -- working with teen girls in a group home.  I interviewed, then held my breath, crossed my fingers, and prayed while they ran the necessary background checks.  Today I got the news -- I am hired!  As for my reaction to that news -- well, I just let the photo at the top of this post do the talking.

It is not lost on me that, had I not quit my elementary school job, I would be seeking new employment right now anyway.  Not only is summer vacation fast approaching, but there was talk that the program I was hired through was ending at the end of this school year.  I'm not sure if that ever actually happened, but the fact remains that regardless of any of my decisions, I would still be looking for a job right now.

The fact that I was offered this job at this time makes me feel a sense of destiny.  Not so much an epic, Lord of the Rings-esque, save-the=word-or-die-trying destiny, but destiny in the sense of being in the flow of God's plan.  In the past fourteen months, I have felt [justly] abandoned by God, floundering in the deep oceans of life instead of traveling the current of His grace and His plans.

I don't feel that way now.

Of course I have to follow that up with a caveat -- just because I "feel" a certain thing to be true does mean it is true.  I've found that to be especially true in terms of faith.  And I also don't expect this job (or any other) to "save" me.  But I still feel the way I feel, and I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts.  I've missed floating on the tides of God.  It's been too long. 

6 comments:

  1. Congratulations! Sounds like a great opportunity! So nice when uncertain times can come to an end - or, at least become a bit less uncertain. :)

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  2. Congratulations!!!! I'm so happy for you! :) Perhaps your struggle w/ all of these feelings and emotions w/ that decision will help you relate more in helping these young girls and was part of God's plan all along!

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  3. Jo @ Jo in the KitchMay 4, 2011 at 8:46 PM

    Congratulations! That sounds like a very rewarding job.

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  4. Beth, I'm so glad for you! I know how hard it is to keep the faith when God feels distant. Congratulations on the job and on feeling like you're back on track. *hugs*

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  5. Beth @ To the FullesMay 5, 2011 at 7:06 AM

    Thank you all so much for your encouragement. You each mean the world to me. Thanks for being a part of my journey!

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  6. Hooray for you, Beth!!! I love that photo. Sounds like an amazingly fulfilling opportunity you have there! OMG I'm so excited for you. I'm sure it won't be any easy position, but the impact you could make is ENORMOUS! Take it on, no matter how long it's determined to be. ROCK!

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"I am glad you are here with me."
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Return of the King