My blogging has been slowing down these past few weeks. Writing has become very difficult. I just don't want to do it. I suppose that part of it is that I just don't feel like I have anything worth saying at the moment. I feel like I am caught between hope and fear. It is a difficult place to live.
But since Eve died, something interesting has happened within me. In the past, I would try to flee this challenging place, immersing myself in escapism. Now, however, I want to stay present. I am determined that God use everything for good. The grief, the confusion, the anxiety, the anger, the terror, the tenuous hope -- everything.
Even though this place is uncomfortable, I know that there are lessons to be learned here. Important ones. Perhaps even the most important ones.
So, even though I have not been blogging, I have been pressing in. Pressing into God. Trying to trust when everything around and within me screams that trust is useless. This is the best thing that I can do, and so I try.
"Peter replied, 'Master, to whom would we go? You have the words of real life, eternal life. We've already committed ourselves, confident that you are the Holy One of God.'"
~ John 6:68-69