Tuesday, July 17, 2012

When Your Baby Has Died and Your Friends are Pregnant

I was the first in our circle of friends to become pregnant. Soon after my husband and I discovered that we were expecting our first child, three of our friends discovered the same in quick succession. I rejoiced at the idea that our daughter, Eve, would grow up with the children of our friends.

And then she died.

Truly, I am the one in four. Four of us were pregnant together, but only three babies survived.

We found out late at night on November 18, 2011 – our baby girl had died inside my womb, 31 weeks along. The next day, after preparing (as much as one can) to have labor induced that evening, I asked my husband, “How will we stay friends with our friends who are pregnant?”

Today I am writing over at Still Standing Magazine!  

11 comments:

  1. This is such a brave post! I have to admit that I haven't done as well with pregnant friends. One of my best friends was adopting a newborn boy. It was an open adoption and she was allowed into the delivery room. I was invited in to take pictures of the big event. Having a "job" helped me stay focused quite a bit. It had been just 7 weeks since my son had died. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Yet, it was impossible to not recognize it for the miracle that it is. It has been 18 months since my son died and I still have to mentally prepare myself if I'll be with babies. It is made easier if I (yes, I know I shouldn't judge, but well, sometimes I do, if I feel like they are cherishing that baby and not taking tomorrow for granted.

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    1. I bet that is an incredible gift to your adopting friend. I'm glad that you could do it! I don't think it's bad to have to prepare yourself to be around babies, though...I have to do that, too, even though I feel like God is carrying me through really beautifully.

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  2. <3 thank you so much. i went over to the other site and read the entire article. soo much comfort and encouragement here.

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    1. Thank you so much for reading, Tammie.

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  3. You are so brave to have wrote that and you have so much strength. I look forward to reading your future and previous post :)

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  4. Beth you are so honest! I love that you can write what is in my head. I understand what you say about dreading your friends birth as well as hoping for the best for them. I have just gone through two births with one to come. I would've been the last on the 23rd August. I have been dreading July/August for this very reason. Whilst I don't want to them to go through anything like the devastation of baby/pregnancy loss, it has been torture to hear of their miraculous arivals. I feel so selfish and horrible feeling like this and hate it, but I know it also makes us stronger. I also dread the new 'I'm pregnant' announcements. Not because I'm not happy for parents-to-be, but because it is so heartbreaking to hear.

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  5. Hi Beth,
    Thank you for being so honest with your readers. It takes courage to share your heart. May the Lord continue to comfort you.
    Love,
    Lisa

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  6. Hi Beth,

    Can I share this on my blog? It's wonderful.

    Lisa
    http://dear-finley.blogspot.com

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    1. Yes you definitely can link to it, Lisa. Thanks!

      I read your story, and Finley's, today, and it just is so heart-breaking. Big hugs.

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  7. Thank you.

    When I look back on what happened the whole thing seems so utterly ridiculous...I couldn't have imagined how shocking it was if I tried. I am left wondering how to carry on.

    Articles like this really help to put things into perspective

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    1. Yes Lisa, you are right and also these type of information is very safe during these days.

      online pharmacy concept

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"I am glad you are here with me."
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Return of the King